More than Words
The secret to writing great vows in three simple steps.
By Sonia Lowe

Three weeks before the big day. Your gown is ready, the seating plan has been finalized, you’re even packed for the honeymoon; you are the quintessential bride-to-be of the 21st century. All that’s left is to write your vows, sounds easy enough? Until you sit down at your desk, pen and paper in hand, and realize that words just don’t seem to flow. Rest assured you are not alone. In fact most people find it challenging expressing their emotions verbally to themselves on paper, let alone to a room full of family and friends on the most important day of their lives. I’ve got good news; there are ways of evoking your deep feeling of love and transforming them into beautifully scripted words, even if you do not have a natural affliction to writing.

Regardless of religion or race, vows are an important part every wedding tradition. Some religions will insist you use traditional wording, but may allow personal vows. The vow recital is the center of the ceremony and the words that actually marry a couple. They are meant to be beautiful, heartfelt and set the parameters of your commitment for you and your future life partner. While some people still choose to honor traditional wedding vows of their religion, more and more people are gravitating toward personalized written statements. One of the main reasons most people choose to write their own oaths is because there are no pre-written vows, which could ever truly capture the essence of you, your partner and the unique love you share.

The secret to writing great vows is to make them as personal as possible. Try to look inward in an effort to find words which describe the overwhelming emotions of love and unity you feel for your partner. It’s all about communicating your message. One of the first things to consider is to agree on a tone for the vows with your fiancé, for instance, you don’t want to be cracking a series of sentimental jokes while your partner is sincerely declaring their undying devotion. You want your oaths to be as in sync as you are (this is why you’re getting married in the first place).

Step 1: Get Gushy
When writing, a good place to start is to acknowledge your feelings; keeping a journal of your thoughts for your partner and relationship is a good way of extracting ideas out of your mind and onto paper. You may want to express hopes for your future with your beloved or promises you want to keep. Sometimes it’s easy to even write a letter to your fiancé. Make it long and elaborate; reminisce about memorable moments; inside jokes and experiences which strengthened your bond. It is also good to think about what inspires you about your mate, what do you miss about them when you are apart? How have they changed you? What are your beliefs and core values as a couple? And what personal promises will you make to each other. Answering these questions will reiterate realization of what moved you to marry this person.

Nuptial Note:
An alternative to this method is to speak into a recorder, instead about these topics. Get into the moment, get into a feeling mode, get into an emotional state and let the words flow. You can transcribe them later into sentences.

Step 2: Compare & Contrast
After getting some words down, you may want to review some other vows- traditional and otherwise. Read some love poetry or research the lyrics of some of your favorite love songs to help trigger some ideas. Jot down some meaningful phrases from these poems and lyrics. Think about the sentiment of these words in your personal experience.
You can insert a quotation or line of poetry from the aforementioned sources to season your vows with a dash of romance.

Nuptial Note:
Using poetry adds to the sentiment if you and your fiancé have a favorite song or movie from which you can draw a quote from that sums up your relationship. If you’re stuck, Shakespear is always a safe bet!

Step 3: Go For It!
Now you’re ready to write a draft – first tip, make it natural. Try using words which are familiar to you and part of your everyday vocabulary. Using contemporary words, in lieu of “thee” or “thou” will help you feel like yourself when you are reciting your vows aloud. Keep a simple structure in mind; don’t forget to include a beginning, middle and an end:
1.Start with a quote, or an opening phrase.
2.Follow with a memory or anecdote about the defining moment you knew they were the one.
3.State your reasons for marrying your fiance.
4.Transition smoothly to your vows. You can add traditional vows in here as well (i.e. I take you (fiancé) to have and to hold…)
5.Add your personal promises which are unique to your relationship (like promising to never go to sleep angry at each other).

And finally, after your vows have been written, read it aloud to a close friend. If possible, choose someone who is a good writer and can help polish the piece wherever necessary without altering the meaning of your words. Once the final draft of the vows have been completed, rehearse it on several occasions to ensure that you can recite it with ease on the big day when you are overwhelmed with emotion. It’s ok to keep cue cards to help jog your memory (especially if your vows are lengthy).

Nuptial Note:
Frame your original vows as a keepsake, which will forever remind you of your promises throughout your marriage.

With the tools for writing meaningful vows, you are bound to create lasting memories for everyone on your big day. More importantly, you will be able to solidify your commitment to your partner in a solemn promise of beautiful words leading to your happily ever after.