Selecting your attendants can be one of the most difficult decisions you face in planning your wedding. In fact, in terms of stress and finesse, choosing your wedding party rivals the process of choosing the ring.

Before you finalize your attendants, you need to have a discussion with your beloved about how many of your true friends and supporters you should each have standing beside you. Remember, there is no law regarding how many attendants a couple can have at a wedding—you could choose to have none or twenty!

Parents sometimes attempt to put in their two cents about who should stand up for you at your wedding. Of course, it’s nice if you can please everyone, but usually you can’t. One approach to the compromise might be to have both your best friend from college and the distant cousin strongly suggested by Mom as bridesmaids, instead of cutting one or the other. Talk it over with your parents, assess how important it is to them, evaluate how important it is to you, and ultimately make the decision that makes you happy.

For your own sake, and to maintain your sanity during the planning process and your wedding day, consider choosing bridesmaids who will all get along and help make your day as stress-free as possible. You don’t want to be reduced to tears by squabbling attendants and have to threaten to elope. Although traditionally the bulk of the responsibility is placed on the maid of honor, it makes a difference when everyone pitches in and makes the occasion enjoyable for all.

Helpful Questions For You and Your Fiancé

Before choosing your attendants, you and your beloved should ask yourselves—and each other—the following questions, and use your answers to choose your bridesmaids and groomsmen:

• How important is this person in my life?
• How long have I known this individual?
• Will this person view being an attendant as an honor or an inconvenience?
• Is this person supportive of us and our relationship?
• Will this person be brutally honest with me when I need it?
• Can I count on this person?
• Can this person afford to participate in my wedding?
• Will this person help out in a pinch and assist with wedding details if necessary?
• Will this person enjoy participating in and celebrating my special day?
• Will I enjoy this person’s company?

The bottom line is that you have to make the decisions that are best for you and your fiancé and for the wedding the two of you want to have. If you happen to be able to please everyone in the process, well, that’s just the icing on the wedding cake!